Trust

It’s incredibly hard to trust yourself.
 
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So often your instinct will tell you something far before it actually turns into a reality, yet so many of us struggle to listen to ourselves and trust that what our instinct is saying is a direct correlation of what we are feeling.
So often we wait for physical confirmation of what, deep down, we already knew.
 
Two weeks ago I handed my notice in at work.
If you’ve been a long-time reader you may remember this post that I wrote last year.
The situation and job role was different but the process was the same: I feel suffocated when I’m doing something that has no creativity involved. I feel stifled when I’m not 100% passionate about my role but it takes me forever to realise it. I adore the company I am leaving, they’re a medical assistance company who help those whom are ill and injured abroad and I’ve loved learning about the other side of travel, but the role was just a new challenge. One that I threw myself into, learnt what there is to know and the minute I progressed as far as I can go, I stopped and realised that this isn’t what I want to do. The self-realisation seeped in and it’s been crippling me.
 
Which sucks because when you’ve spent so much of your life not knowing what you want to do, when you finally realise it all you want to do is go out and completely embrace it, not be frustrated by it. I fell into Marketing in 2013 and most of the things I have learnt have been self taught. I learnt about digital marketing, social media, campaigns and newsletters by reading articles and putting it into practice with my blog, and when I came back from Thailand after having worked as a Social Media Manager I half expected to be able to walk straight into a job because I thought that was enough (Hey, I was naive). I managed to get a part-time job managing a local restaurant’s online profiles, but every time I applied for a full-time role in marketing, I was met with the same feedback upon my rejection “You interview very well and your digital marketing knowledge is strong, but we suggest that you gain more insight into traditional marketing and gain a qualification to back this up.”
 
So 8 months ago in June, I walked into my local college and applied for the ‘CIM Level 3 in Marketing’ course. I was accepted and ever since September I have been learning all about the marketing principles, the marketing environments and learning a shit-ton of abbreviations and marketing terms that only stopped baffling the hell out of me last month.
 
It annoys me that I wrote that post last year and I haven’t found a role within the industry yet, but to defend my circumstance, there aren’t many marketing opportunities around me because I live in an incredibly small city and the people that are in the roles here tend to stay in them for very long periods of time which means new opportunities are quite rare. But the difference between last year and this year, is that now I’m heading in the right direction. I have my exam next week and in June I will have finished my course and even though I haven’t finished my course yet I feel ready to go out and get a marketing role, because I know it’s an industry I’m passionate about and a job I can do well. Obviously I don’t think I could go out and be the head of marketing in a global company straight off the bat, but I know that I would make one heck of an assistant.
 
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Every now and then I do find a job that catches my eye appears and I think “YES! This is the role I’ve been looking for!”
And so I apply.
And the interview goes well.
And about a week later I’ll find an email in my inbox saying that “You interview very well and your marketing knowledge is very strong but we’ve gone with a more experienced candidate”. And my heart sinks. And I ask for feedback (because I’m a total sucker for self-improvement) and I am met with the same response “You interview well and you’re a strong candidate whom has so much to offer, but you need to gain more experience.”
 
Which I guess is a step forward, because before I was told that I needed more knowledge and now I have gone out (and am still getting) it. And now I just need to gain more experience. Which sounds simple enough but is actually a bit of a problem. I mean, how do you gain experience in a role when nobody will hire you because you don’t have enough experience?
How am I supposed to progress when there isn’t a chance nor opportunity for me to obtain the one thing that’s missing?
 
It’s a total catch 22 situation.
 
I feel like I’m stuck at such a crossroads in life because I know what I can do.
I know that Marketing, with all it’s airs and graces, it’s where I want to be.
Yet trying to obtain a role within the sector is like trying to hold on to a wet slippery bar of soap. Frustrating.
 
I have no idea where I’m going right now but I’ve never been more confident in knowing that I’m heading in the right direction. I don’t know where I’ll end up when I leave my job in 3 weeks but I know that eventually I’m going to make my career happen, because if I don’t believe in myself who else is going to?
 
The only thing I know for sure is that if you want something you have to find a way to make it happen, or make one yourself.
 
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And whilst I’m totally up for the challenge, my word am I getting tired of repeatedly having to jump over hurdles.