Refreshed

Barcelona-©-www.toothbrushtravels.com-3

It’s been a while since I last logged onto my laptop and actually felt like publishing a post.
Ever since I handed my notice in to my employer six weeks ago my head has been spinning with thoughts ranging from confidence and self empowerment, to self-doubt and sadness, and because I’ve been feeling the entire emotional spectrum I wasn’t sure how I truly felt about it all.

I enjoy working. I always have done. I love the drive that I get from being challenged and I love how creative I can be when helping other people achieve their goals. So two weeks ago on my last working day I wasn’t exactly sure how to begin my next chapter. What was I going to do with all the free time?

I told myself that it would be amazing.
That I would get up early, go for runs, cook delicious meals and because of all of the free time that I would soon have, that I’d have a body like Kayla Itsines in no time.
Of course that’s not how it actually went.
I’ve gotten up before 9am once… To go to the salon.
The only place I run to is the fridge.
And I look more like Carby Intestines than Kayla Itsines.
But to give myself credit I’m just over halfway through finishing a project I’ve been working on, I have actually been cooking AND I’ve hovered a few more times than usual.

But the fact that I didn’t achieve the few (hardly worthy of the name) goals that I set out to accomplish doesn’t actually matter that much to me right now, because for the first time in ages I feel my age. I’ve had time to see my friends, to go shopping and take walks. I’ve been able to choose whether I get up early or lay in bed all day watching The Walking Dead* (may or may not have happened). I’ve had time to realise that you can be driven to succeed with your career without sacrificing everything that makes you, you, and I no longer feel like I need to be the mature, sophisticated woman who knows exactly where she’s going in life. I feel like a twenty-three year old who knows what direction she’s heading in, but is still transitioning through the squiggly and confusing part of their life, and who finally understands that you don’t have to have everything figured out.
And for the first time in what feels like forever, I’m actually ok with that.

Because I’m bored of the what-ifs and the self-doubt, and I’ve finally realised.
It’s perfectly ok not to know everything, all that matters is you know who you are.
Everything else will fall into place xo