Bangkok Goodbyes

For the past week I’ve given myself the challenge of blogging everyday for a week.
It was a challenge I started for two reasons.

The first was because I had been seriously neglecting my blog over the past few months and hated how out of touch with it I had become, and the second was because I did a lot of things in Thailand that I wanted to remember, and as a result had a backlog of posts. But the problem with having a backlog of posts is that even though you have things to say from the past, you live in the present, and after leaving Thailand five months ago now, it feels weird to still be writing about it.

The truth is, I could have easily posted all of my posts on my life in Thailand before now, but for some reason I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Each time I wrote a post about Thailand or looked at pictures from my various trips throughout the country, I felt nostalgic and slightly homesick, and as somebody who works through blogposts chronologically, it felt like taking a break from writing about Thailand was my way of holding on to it for just that little bit longer.

I know this may not make sense to so many people reading this, but I wasn’t ready to let go.
Living abroad changed me. It took me away from my friends, my family and any threw me outside of my comfort zone. It showed me how much I adore being challenged and how terrifying I find routine, it showed me that you can survive emotional roller coasters, discover your true passions in life, build a new career from scratch and that fear is only temporary. It gave me the opportunity to discover who I really was and no choice but for that to be enough.

And after having such a momentous realisation, everything afterwards felt bland.
England felt distant and I felt detached.
I was scared that England would transform me back into who I was and I didn’t want to lose the person I had become. And it took me until now to see that saying goodbye doesn’t mean that you’re letting go, and whilst your surroundings help to shape you, they’ll never completely change you.
Only you have the power to do that.

So Bangkok, whilst my posts about my time with you have come to an end, it’s not the end of our love affair.
Until next time! XO

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