As the car door slammed and the stones grinded beneath my feet as I made my way out of the carpark I took a deep breath. For today was the day I would finally make it to the top of Kingley Vale.
I probably should have picked a better day for it to be honest because for the past six days I’ve been hella ill.
But when I set a goal, I set a goal and as the end of 2016 approached I knew it was now or never…
Or yano, next year if we’re being less dramatic.
Climbing to the top of Kingley Vale is a small goal really, one that many might deem as pointless.
After all, why should making it to the top of somewhere be a priority? Especially when it’s not a particularly long or treacherous walk. It’s just a few miles through beautiful nature with one hella steep hill (if you go the difficult way like we did) and a whole lot of flat terrain before and after. But Kingley wasn’t the direct goal.
Making it to the top of Kingley Vale was simply a a sub-category of my main goal:
To finish what I had started.
You see I am queen of starting and not finishing them and Kingley Vale was just that.
I have walked the nature trail on multiple occasions in the past year, yet for various reasons…
Such as the above little cutie (who definitely isn’t built for miles of walking), it had been over a decade since I actually walked all the way to the top. So with lungs full of lurgees and a whole lot of determination S and I set off.
We walked for hours.
Mainly because I couldn’t breathe due to coughing fits (because my body has betrayed me by letting me get ill despite all the vegetables I fill it with) and partially because S decided that getting off the beaten track and climbing the steepest part of the trail would be the best route. But eventually we made it to the top.
Reaching the top was lovely. Not just because I was able to sit down and yano, breathe again, but because as I looked out over the beautiful view obscured by what is possibly the foggiest day I have ever encountered, it felt strangely metaphorical.
As though even when goals are reached or realised, things won’t always seem clear, but just because you can’t see what’s coming doesn’t mean it’s something negative that’s lurking behind the fog.
And I realised that I am afraid of things that haven’t happened and because of this I have put off so much already. I put off opening my shop on this site for so long now. Too long.
At first it was because I wasn’t sure if it’s what I really wanted to do, and then I felt as though I wouldn’t create something good enough that people would want to buy it, and then it was money because I crashed my car and had to buy a new one so that set me back a few months, and then it was that I realised setting up an online store is time consuming when you’re doing everything yourself in between designing, writing and working full time and even more so when you want to fulfil orders yourself rather than outsourcing it all.
And as I sat there gazing in to the distance daydreaming I realised that sensitivity is what’s holding me me back. I’m a natural born over-thinking people-pleaser who is scared to put myself out there because of fear of failure, and I really need to stop caring so much. I mean sure, there may be people who might not like what I create, but if I don’t suck it up and do it then how will I ever know?
2016 was a pretty epic year for me in terms of self-realisation.
I realised that my self-deprecating personality meant that I never really take time to celebrate my achievements.
In 2016 alone I worked, as a blogger, with a huge travel operator, I quit my job without having another lined up (again), I passed my marketing course with good grades, I landed a job in my chosen field and I wake up excited about going to work in the morning (well, about 70% of the time – I’m still human and love my bed).
I found confidence in being unapologetically myself and found the courage to stand up for myself and others when needed instead of wishing that I’d said something. In addition to this I’ve discovered my blog ambitions, have made a plan of action to achieve them and whilst not much has changed on the surface – everything’s changing behind the scenes, and it was only as I sat there over looking the foggiest of views daydreaming about everything and nothing, that I realised that I’m actually quite capable and should stop criticising myself so often. Because when I stop watching series of Lucifer and actually crack on and do it, it would appear that I am rather good at getting shit done.
And so my goals for 2017 will be pretty much be the same.
– To maintain the focus and clarity I gained in 2016.
– To live a life full of everyday adventures.
– To stop letting fear of failure stop me from trying.
A New Year
January 2, 2017 22 Comments