Bangkok Goodbyes

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For the past week I’ve given myself the challenge of blogging everyday for a week.
It was a challenge I started for two reasons.
The first was because I had been seriously neglecting my blog over the past few months and hated how out of touch with it I had become, and the second was because I did a lot of things in Thailand that I wanted to remember, and as a result had a backlog of posts. But the problem with having a backlog of posts is that even though you have things to say from the past, you live in the present, and after leaving Thailand five months ago now, it feels weird to still be writing about it.
 
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The truth is, I could have easily posted all of my posts on my life in Thailand before now, but for some reason I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Each time I wrote a post about Thailand or looked at pictures from my various trips throughout the country, I felt nostalgic and slightly homesick, and as somebody who works through blogposts chronologically, it felt like taking a break from writing about Thailand was my way of holding on to it for just that little bit longer.
 
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I know this may not make sense to so many people reading this, but I wasn’t ready to let go.
Living abroad changed me. It took me away from my friends, my family and any threw me outside of my comfort zone. It showed me how much I adore being challenged and how terrifying I find routine, it showed me that you can survive emotional roller coasters, discover your true passions in life, build a new career from scratch and that fear is only temporary. It gave me the opportunity to discover who I really was and no choice but for that to be enough.
 
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And after having such a momentous realisation, everything afterwards felt bland.
England felt distant and I felt detached.
I was scared that England would transform me back into who I was and I didn’t want to lose the person I had become. And it took me until now to see that saying goodbye doesn’t mean that you’re letting go, and whilst your surroundings help to shape you, they’ll never completely change you.
Only you have the power to do that.

So Bangkok, whilst my posts about my time with you have come to an end, it’s not the end of our love affair.

Until next time! XO

  • Amanda Boleman

    Amy ~

    I think it’s so huge that you realized this and I’m so happy that you decided to share because I know this is something that I will face one day as well when we decide to leave this crazy, amazing place. I’m going through so many similar emotions of really confronting who I am and figuring out who I want to be looking forward – an experience that is difficult no doubt, but so, so important. We both have Bangkok to thank for that 🙂 So sad that we didn’t get the chance to meet each other and have adventures here together, but I love following along with your blog and being apart of a community of people that have shared this experience at one time or another.

    It’s so interesting that you touched on how you were afraid you would revert back to your former self when you got back home. It’s something I experienced a lot of when I just went home for a month-long trip to the US. I found myself falling into old patterns and bad habits that I had worked hard to change in Thailand. But it was because I let my guard down and wasn’t trying anymore. To recognize that is the first step in changing it or making sure it doesn’t happen again, and now I believe that as long as I have the awareness, it doesn’t matter where I am. I’m so glad that you’re finding the same things upon being back.

    Can’t wait to see where else the road takes you!

    xxx Amanda

    • Amanda –

      Thank-you so much for taking the time to write your comment.
      I always struggle when writing the more personal posts as there’s such a wide array of emotions involved, so i’m happy to hear it was well received. Bangkok was a truly unique experience and one that I will treasure for always, as i’m sure you will too. Not just because of the place but because of what is learnt when you undergo immersing yourself in another culture, and whilst i’m sure it must feel conflicting and difficult as you face the variety of emotions that come with that, discovering who you truly are is a long and bumpy road, and one that continues on as you change with each person you meet, place you visit and up and down you encounter on the way, but when you get there it is truly liberating.

      It’s always much harder to recreate a life in a home country because everything feels so familiar. I guess when the language and lifestyle is different, you try harder because you know it’s a steeper battle to overcome, but in that of your home town it’s so much easier to take things for granted. The good news is that it’s really easy to make the most of your surroundings and prevent yourself from slipping into old habits. I definitely agree that awareness helps, I find that if i’m in one place for too long I get bored of my surroundings really quickly, so i’m always planning trips whether it’s around England or Europe, and i’ve found that really helps.

      It’ll be tough when you do decide to leave, Bangkok is a city so unique, frustrating and amazing, that moving anywhere afterwards can take a while to adjust, but just know that those feelings aren’t forever and there’s an infinite amount of excitement in this world just waiting to be seen, and if you need anything i’m all but a click away!

      Amy ‘xo